Dating Rulebook

Things I think everyone who owns a computer should know.

1) How to turn it off and on.

2) How to use a mouse and what the difference is between a right and a left click.

3) How to get online and go to a web page not search for one.

3) That if you run a business then move beyond windows 9x.

This list could actually be endless but that will suffice for today.

My problem is that I work tech support for a living and I have to help people help themselves. This is probably the hardest conundrum in the world. It's like trying to convince a state trooper that pulls me over and cites me for carrying an illegal weapon could get me sent to jail but that he admires my choice in combat pistols. I had a pair of nunchuks in plain site which he confiscated since they are illegal in all 50 states but wanted to see the pistol I owned since he bought the same kind not too long ago.

The pistol/cop story I will save for another blog on stupid ass constitutional issues.

Anyway working tech support really strains the soul. The worst part of it is that my company is kind of like a var (Value Added Reseller) which basically means you can call us for help with whatever goes wrong with your computer and we will try to help you out with it. This includes everything from how to turn off the scroll lock key to reconfiguring a proxy server to only allow the CPA to get online from one machine in the building and only do that on Mon Wed and Friday between 9 and 2 pm but only if its on the following list of sites....

I know that you can't expect everyone to be a computer guru but come on people. I think my list is a fairly reasonable expectation of what you should know how to do. I mean foreigners coming into this country need to pass a minimum exam that includes our language and the fact that we have a bi-cameral legislature. I know college kids that even know what a bi-cameral legislature is.

Wouldn't be nice if you had to pass a minimum competency exam to maintain a computer. I could imagine it now.

.....You have fifteen seconds to complete the next assignment. Please use your mouse to select and highlight the next four words. I am a moron.

It never ceases to amaze me when I have to walk someone through the simple ins and outs of website navigation. Why do people always type in the URL for a website in a search window instead of the address window. It just kills me.

When I say right click I mean right click. I shouldn't have to ask questions like are you right handed or left handed. Okay put that hand on your mouse in a normal position. Now using your middle finger press down one time and release the button. You should hear a small barely audible click.

It's freaking ridiculous.

At what point in tech support as a VAR do you draw the line. I can tell you where most major companies do. Its where you reach the 15 minute limit. Most everyone will give you 15 then call it quits when they can point at someone else and say call them.

I guess I'm through ranting. I just had a really bad night on call. Yes we are a 24 hour support operation. Than means I get calls at 3 AM like how to put more paper in this receicpt printer. Imaging trying to talk someone through that kind of call at 3AM.

I'm through thanks for all your time.

Jeff Estes

If you read this you must really be bored. But if you want more I will always take requests.