On my vacancy
These last few days have been very difficult, and disturbing for me.
I have been absent from work since I've barely been able to function. I will not disclose many details to the internet public but I'm afraid we've had to commit my brother to a full time mental health facility.
My brother is no longer considered safe to the general public and we've been forced to inter him in a mental facility. I guess we, as a family, have reached the decision that we can no longer provide the necessary care for my brother in his current mental state. He will now become under the care, supervision, and guidance of the state in a controlled environment where he will not pose a danger to society. At this time we are no longer able to even visit him or communicate with him for an undetermined amount of time.
I'm finding it very hard to function at the moment. I've been kind of wandering aimlessly through the house wondering how this kind of thing ever happens to people. I've always looked at my brother through the "lens" of an older brother. It has been my job to look out for him, speak up for him, teach him to be a better person, and encourage him to do "the right thing".
Now I feel that I am forced to abandon him. I can't even speak with him anymore. One really begins to wonder about moral concepts and obligations we all have a member of a "normal and progressive society. Throughout time different cultures and societies have treated the mentally and physically disabled in different ways. Some cultures destroyed those that were "different", some cultures put their "untouchables" into special area's or conclaves or cities. Some cultures have even tried Eugenics like Nazi Germany.
In today's progressive society we have a lot of taboos and a culture of sensitivity towards those with mental defects.
This week my personal beliefs and convictions have been put to the test and I think I failed my own belief system. I do not know how to properly reconcile these problems.
Some things are so cut and dry for most of us. We know where we stand on the big issues.
Even the little issues
I mean if someone murders someone you know how you feel about it. If someone steals from you, you know how you will react. If someone slaps you, you cold-cock them.
Why is everything so much harder when it involves a family member. Even more so when that family member isn't in control of their own mind what do you do then? If my brother did something that was so easy for me "know" my reaction then why do I falter and stumble now.
I'm so confused and I have no-where to turn to. I've had numerous calls from friends during my work absence but I can't really talk about this stuff to them. Maybe if one of them had a similiar situation I'd reach out to them about this but their lives are not that complex and they can't really help me now. Normally when you hurt emotionally you have people that you lean on for support. A pet, a parent, a lover, a spouse. Since this involves my brother and my parents, and I have no lover/spouse/girlfriend that leaves my goldfish. Fuck that goldfish he's been ignoring me for over a year. I guess that leaves me, my online friends, and this fucking blog.
Posted by Jeff Estes wishing (just wishing)
I have been absent from work since I've barely been able to function. I will not disclose many details to the internet public but I'm afraid we've had to commit my brother to a full time mental health facility.
My brother is no longer considered safe to the general public and we've been forced to inter him in a mental facility. I guess we, as a family, have reached the decision that we can no longer provide the necessary care for my brother in his current mental state. He will now become under the care, supervision, and guidance of the state in a controlled environment where he will not pose a danger to society. At this time we are no longer able to even visit him or communicate with him for an undetermined amount of time.
I'm finding it very hard to function at the moment. I've been kind of wandering aimlessly through the house wondering how this kind of thing ever happens to people. I've always looked at my brother through the "lens" of an older brother. It has been my job to look out for him, speak up for him, teach him to be a better person, and encourage him to do "the right thing".
Now I feel that I am forced to abandon him. I can't even speak with him anymore. One really begins to wonder about moral concepts and obligations we all have a member of a "normal and progressive society. Throughout time different cultures and societies have treated the mentally and physically disabled in different ways. Some cultures destroyed those that were "different", some cultures put their "untouchables" into special area's or conclaves or cities. Some cultures have even tried Eugenics like Nazi Germany.
In today's progressive society we have a lot of taboos and a culture of sensitivity towards those with mental defects.
This week my personal beliefs and convictions have been put to the test and I think I failed my own belief system. I do not know how to properly reconcile these problems.
Some things are so cut and dry for most of us. We know where we stand on the big issues.
- Religion
- Politics
- Marriage
- Capitol Punishment
Even the little issues
- Housekeeping
- Personal Finances
- Hygiene
- Work Ethic
- Philanthropy
I mean if someone murders someone you know how you feel about it. If someone steals from you, you know how you will react. If someone slaps you, you cold-cock them.
Why is everything so much harder when it involves a family member. Even more so when that family member isn't in control of their own mind what do you do then? If my brother did something that was so easy for me "know" my reaction then why do I falter and stumble now.
I'm so confused and I have no-where to turn to. I've had numerous calls from friends during my work absence but I can't really talk about this stuff to them. Maybe if one of them had a similiar situation I'd reach out to them about this but their lives are not that complex and they can't really help me now. Normally when you hurt emotionally you have people that you lean on for support. A pet, a parent, a lover, a spouse. Since this involves my brother and my parents, and I have no lover/spouse/girlfriend that leaves my goldfish. Fuck that goldfish he's been ignoring me for over a year. I guess that leaves me, my online friends, and this fucking blog.
Posted by Jeff Estes wishing (just wishing)
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